What’s The Skinny?

by David

Blank NYC

I don’t know if it’s some kind of hormonal imbalance that causes two bitches who are too close within each other’s boundaries that make them want to claw at one another, but dueling cat-fights are taken to new heights when a nastier, bitchier, more vicious pair of opponents are involved: gay men with differences of opinion. Several weeks ago I posted an entry about how some gay men think they can spew fashion advice simply because they’re gay. Gay folks like Mr. William Sledd, the Youtube celebutard of the “Ask A Gay Man” fame is a prime example of a gay liar man attempting to regurgitate his fashion faux pas to the public, trying to capitalize on his “gay gene” as the foundation of legitimacy as a fashion expert when in fact he’s a complete fraud when it comes to knowing what jeans a man can wear. Obviously, I am talking about his “denim guide,” and how skinny jeans belong only on guys who are emo or in a band. I fit in neither category; if I were to listen to the advice of Mr. Sledd, my 30+ pairs of jeans would dwindle down to like… five pairs. Now I have no shame admitting I’m a denim whore, and being such the whore of denim that I am, take it from me when I say I know a thing or two about what jeans are acceptable for a guy to wear.

Ask A GAY MAN's William Sledd.

HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE: Okay, I’m totally not advocating every man to rush out and buy a pair of skinny jeans, but, if you are height-weight proportionate, and can fit a pair of skinny jeans (meaning you can pull them up all the way, zip up, and button it up) then by all means, if you feel good in them, wear them proudly! You don’t need to be a fan of Tegan and Sara or The Arcade Fire to wear skinny jeans. You don’t need to take guitar lessons and join a garage band to wear skinny jeans.  You just need to fit them! If THAT gay man thinks skinny jeans are only for emo musicians, the fashion denim industry would collapse as we know it, and if you ask THIS gay man, I am not a fan of higher unemployment rates! William Sledd doesn’t think it looks good on a guys ’cause it “scares” him how tight some of the jeans are (Really? Like, for real, like really, you’re scared of tight jeans? Really? No, like for real, for real?) I can only assume, but perhaps he’s bitter because his thick ass doesn’t look flattering in skinny jeans? I admit, some jeans in Nudie’s collection and Ksubi jeans can run pretty slim even in a man’s fit, but tight doesn’t have to look bad. Again, it goes back to what I’ve said about proper styling choices to complete an entire look. I wouldn’t recommend wearing skinny jeans with a tight mesh tank and Airwalk shoes (by the way, unless you’re white or think you’re white and are under the age of 11 years old, you shouldn’t be sporting Airwalk shoes anymore.) The one huge draw back with wearing skinny jeans I have to warn you about is that if you’re hooking up with someone and things are getting hot and heavy and it’s so intense, clothes just start flying everywhere… well, it can be a tiny bit of a production getting those skinny’s off, but don’t let that ruin the mood, make taking it off part of foreplay.

If you Youtube Mr. Sledd’s denim guide video, you will notice I don’t disagree with him about everything. I too am not a fan of the carpenter jean for men. Although, he does mention something about putting tools in a purse, yet earlier in the clip he states how girl jeans are for girls and boys shouldn’t wear them, blah blah blah… Again, I say, if it fits and you feel good in it, rock ’em! Just make sure the design isn’t actually for girls… unless you’re a tranny or tranny-in-training (a TIT) that is. Remember this, skinny jeans aren’t always skin tight… most of the time for men’s denim, it’s more slimming than it is skin-tight-leggings-like-skinny. I will end this post by stating I am not a fucking hater… please don’t hold it against me (yes, this was a Britney reference). I just think if you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, shut the fuck up. Or at least have legitimate reasons for spitting out your garbage. Hmm… these last couple statements make me want to also go on a rant about FOX News… but I won’t… I believe their idiocy has spoken far better than I can ever put into words.

Skinny jeans aren't just for the emo kids!

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