Yo, What’s Up Shorty?

by David


How short is too short? That is the question we must ask ourselves when considering how much leg we can reveal without being considered vulgar by a conservative public. After all, warmer weather is approaching and it pertinent to start thinking about fashions that implement style with cooling comfort. I remember shopping with one of my friends who had decided to wear some short shorts that day, of course I didn’t think much of it; it was fashionable. However, as we made our way around the mall, he received more than several impolite stares, whispers and even finger pointing; he made heads turn, but not in the flattering sense. On a separate occasion, I remember a stranger had pointed out, “Hey, you’re not wearing any pants.” Well no shit Sherlock, that’s because they’re not pants… they’re fucking shorts. I mean it wasn’t some world-shattering discovery, they were just shorts. No exceptions were made when I paraded around in these thigh-exposing “anti-pants.”  I couldn’t believe the amount of disapproval these short shorts received. Various homophobic slurs were hurled my way for sure. It’s not like I’m suggesting men relive the 1970’s and start sporting hot pants. I’m talking about fashion-forward shorts with cuffs rising slightly above the knee. Paired with some Sperry Topsider’s (or another attractive pair of boating shoes) along with a short-sleeved button-up (or just a striped tee) and you have a nautical style that consistently returns every Spring and Summer!

Marc by Marc Jacobs

So shop with caution this season when looking for a cute pair of shorts, but know the crowd you are wearing it for, and if you’re okay with the unwelcomed reactions, then I say fuck the judgmental assholes, and wear what you want… within reason that is! We don’t dress to make others feel comfortable; we dress to make ourselves comfortable. It’s not like these poorly-dressed fuckers have opinions that matter anyway. There are always going to be those who are just too ignorant to understand that being on trend doesn’t necessarily make a man gay, because sometimes it’s just about dressing appropriately according to Mother Nature’s warm forecast. So skank it up and show the world your sexy thighs if you feel the urge to! Remember, there is a difference between vulgarity and provocation and there is nothing vulgar about enjoying a little breeze in between your crotch every now and then… and some guys could really use the ventilation!

Band of Outsiders

Viktor & Rolf

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