Bad Bromance – I DON’T WANNA BE FRIENDS!

by Kevyn

I don’t know what it is about this boy, but Darren Criss has taken over my life, my iPod, and my dreams (both day and wet). If I were more of a tween, it would be his poster that would be inside of my locker and it would be his songs I would be singing at the top of my lungs.

A lot of buzz has come from this boy ever since he debuted his a capella rendition of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” on Glee.

Did you watch it? Did you turn into a 16 year old girl again? I can only describe him as DREAMY. He’s so dreamy! That side smile, that smirk, those dimples…AND THAT VOICE! And, what’s nice is that his character is a strong and proud gay teen which is something we don’t see very much in scripted television. A lot of the characters are still struggling with identity so there has to be a lot of ‘coming out’ stories and the like. But Criss’ portrayal of Blaine (yes, they had to give his character a sexy name too) is a strong and confident gay teen that knows who he is.

So. Dreamy.

So, here’s the boner shrinker to this dreamy guitar-playing rock star: Darren Criss is straight. Yeah, I cried into my KFC Double-Down the night I heard.  He was on Ellen (who’s haircut I really want, by the way) and they discussed the LGBT community and whatnot. He shared something that I thought was really interesting. He wanted to keep his sexuality as a straight man a secret. It was like the tables have turned! He said even though he’s straight, he’s super supportive of equal civil rights for everyone and he’s proud to portray such a strong character.

Someone get me a fire extinguisher because my loins are on fucking fire.

I love it when a completely straight guy is comfortable with his sexuality and is supportive of the gay community. There’s something so sexy about it. It’s the way the new modern man should be – a forward thinking man who is educated, supportive and has the ability to sing to me a capella versions of Top 40 songs. I always think that if I were a straight girl (or a sluttier gay guy) I would be insanely attracted to a man that is so comfortable with himself.

So then it got me thinking even MORE. The whole straight/gay guy relationship. The “Bromance,” as it’s called now. There’s a lot of unsaid emotions when it comes to the art of the bromance. The straight/straight guy bromance is just plain gay, but the bromance between the gay/straight guy is more like a dance; a really intricate and complicated dubstep where you don’t know if you’re on the same beat or not but if you just go with it it’s actually fun and different.

I can’t remember the last time I had a bromance, but I think it was in college…Or was it middle school? Eh, either way I was flirting with professors to get a higher grade. But the relationship we had was really special. it was like we were best friends, even boyfriends at times, but there’s just no sexual chemistry. However, to me, the downfall for most gay/straight guy bromances is that the gay guy falls in love with the straight guy and that’s where it gets sticky…and not the type of sticky a gay guy wants.

Straight/gay guys work because it’s a really good support system. The straight guy gets a girl_friend (as in hey-girl-hey-friend) and the gay guy gets to walk around the mall and tell everyone his straight friend is his hot new boyfriend.

A good example of a 'BROMANCE'. 'BRONNIE' from Bravo's Make Me A Supermodel

Straight guys – the perfect companion for the gay man…except the whole not being gay thing. But Darren Criss, you sneaky hetero. I love what you do. Although I am upset you’re straight, I’m very proud for what you’re doing for the LGBT community. Just, if you ever are super wasted at an awards show party and I see you… I will uncomfortably watch you from across the room.

Oh, and he’s half-Filipino.

Which is probably where he got his voice from

…Or his height.

One response to “Bad Bromance – I DON’T WANNA BE FRIENDS!

  1. That’s so fashioned after the SOBs from Yale with a step-touch choreo: http://www.thesobs.net/content-4.html

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s