Putting Your Best Foot Forward

by David

NEVER purchase these style of shoes, unless you want to pay a lot of money to look tacky and gross.

There are different factors that can lead to successful long term relationships, and it begins with the first date. However, there are those who are denied the chance of a first date simply because they have failed putting their best foot forward at impressing that special someone; I mean that both figuratively and literally. What shoes you wear, silly as it may seem, can cost you a date (or if you’re lucky and got that first date, it’ll likely cost you any future dates with that person). We all would like to think we’re above such petty little details when it comes to finding a significant other, but the truth is in any group of friends there are always a few (you’re probably one of them) who will cut someone loose for the sole fact that they wore a hideous pair of shoes.So let me help some of you unfortunate folks out there who probably are quite enjoyable on a date, but who missed out on their chance at love because some ugly ass shoes got in your way.

Here are some general no-no’s:

  • Unless you’re mentally trapped in biblical times or you’re from a mid-Western state vacationing at any of the Disney resorts on either coasts, Jesus sandals are probably going to be a fashion don’t.
  • If you’re not a nurse or a doctor or collecting social security checks, your feet shouldn’t be wearing Crocs. Ever.
  • If you have a penis and live in Southern California (or any other warm areas), you should not own a pair of man-UGG’s, let alone wear it out in public. I don’t care if you are gay. No. Just say “NO.”
  • This is specifically for all brooding lesbians reading, please just stay away from Birkenstock’s.
  • Mostly for the men, Sketchers is what you wear if you’re taking a physical education class… in junior high. Any “dress shoe” from this brand is NOT a dress shoe, it is a “work shoe” and should not be worn on a date when you want to look nice. These “dress shoes” should never be purchased voluntarily as a substitute for getting your lazy ass out to the mall and purchasing REAL dress shoes from a retailer that does NOT specialize in running shoes. NO, you DO NOT have to spend a lot of money to buy fashionable-looking dress shoes. Try ZARA, ALDO or Calvin Klein retail locations.
  • If you are a man and shop at ALDO, unless you buy a tennis shoe or some high-tops or normal looking dress shoes, make sure you NEVER purchase these types of shoes as shown. They will NEVER look good, not even on a gorgeous model… repeat after me, “They will NEVER look good!” The tips of the shoes look like a banana. Need I say more?

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